Hey all
This is a post I thought that I'd make to summarise my ten biggest catastrophic and spontaneous failures of the year, inspired by a segment of the SBG magazine from an early issue, titled 'Dice of Woe'. Those, who I play with regularly, are familiar with my moments of abysmal luck that have sunk me unexpectedly. Such as the infamous example against Tom Hawker, where my entire army fled, one at a time, in the final turn, to hand over a 8-4 victory to become a 10-0 defeat.
I hope that you enjoy these, as much as I did collecting them. (In hindsight, of course). 😂
Anyway, lets kick off with...
10: To War! (August) Host of the Dragon Emperor Vs. Dan (Isengard)
To set the scene, it was the opening game of the day against Dan, who had spanked me in the EAHC finale the year before Covid. I was keen to return the sentiment and I so nearly did as we played 'Lords of Battle' and I so nearly matched the wound tally, after two very unfortunately failed Heroic Combats from Rutabi and the Emperor.
However, what we didn't know was that what would decide the match was the most seemly innocuous moment midway through, as a Rhunish War Drake failed his climb test, to get off a small ledge just an inch high and took a wound. This knocked Dan's tally one above me at the very end, leaving me narrowly defeated. While Dan went on, untouched, to win the whole event!
*Fell warg proxying the Drakes, bottom left being the guilty one
9: Throne of Skulls (December) Isengard Vs. Jacob (Rivendell/Numenor)
We have a classic Heirlooms game in full swing, the objective has fallen into their camp and I'm launching a full on assault to claim it. I just have a small group of warriors with the Oathmaker, who calls a Heroic Combat against the dismounted Rivendell Knight to move them up and get them stuck into the attack.
The Knight rolls first and scores a 3! Brilliant! With 5 attacks total, I can't fail! Then...
I let out a small wail of dismay! That Knight was a thorn in the Oathmaker's side the entire game, taking away all his might and only falling at the very end, when it only mildly soothed a damaged ego. The Last Alliance held their objective.
8: The Grand Tournament (February) Garrison of Dale Vs. Dan (Azog's Legion/Hunters)
In the thick of another great game of 'Fog of War', I was in a struggle. Bolg was hitting me hard with his warriors and gradually breaking through to, what I assumed was, his objective terrain piece. It was at this point that I saw an opportunity. I had Bard and a small troop of warriors in a second ruin. The idea was that my bow armed Captain, who was on full stats, would call a Heroic Combat against the Hunter orc that he faced, slay it and then rush up to assist Bard in slaying Narzug. And in the next turn, he would then call a Heroic March to push them all up past Bolg's main army to seize my objective.
Instead, my Bow Captain rolled snake eyes in combat, took two wounds from the orc and then rolled another one on his fate, placing him in the ground rather than the orcs. Bard also fluffed his combat and, luckily, wasn't wounded himself. As one final twist of the knife, the Bow Captain, was the hero I had chosen to protect.
7: Will you follow me, one last time? (November) Men of the West Vs. Sam (Angmar)
This was one of those Legolas moments that he would rather you forgot.
He arrived in Heirlooms, away from any friends and fairly far from enemies, so he stopped and took a turn of shooting at a couple of warg riders. He naturally failed to do any damage, and seeing those riders now turn and coming at him, at full pace, tried to climb up the ladder of a tower, from which, he intended to start sniping the enemy force, as I had found the objective.
Unfortunately, Legolas then proceeded to climb onto the bottom of the ladder, be charged by Warg riders over the entire game. For three turns in a row, he rolled snake eyes and would then be wounded, forced to spend fate and might to survive, falling from the ladder with a complete lack of grace. Eventually, he managed to win a fight and slay the second warg, before scrambling up the ladder. Only to face them at the top anyway.
By the end of the game, he was lucky to be alive and had only claimed two mounts for his kills.
6a: Seven Stones (May) Rohan/Fellowship (W/ James) over two games
While I can't remember the specifics of these events, I still have the echo in my mind of James screaming at me 'What is wrong with you?!'
In a weird mirror image across two games, we twice had Aragorn have his horse shot, he would spend all three fate, one after the other failing, before being forced to use one of his stored might to save it. Only to lose it the following turn regardless.
It should be noted that I was dressed as King Theoden for our theme, the Charge from Helm's Deep, while James was my trusty steed, Snowmane, leading to the following image.
6b: Heroes of the Belegaer Sea (May) Army of Thror over two games
In a very similar vein, in two games, again more or less mirroring one another. I first played against the Pits of Dol Guldor legion, so I was understandably concerned about locking down and defeating Azog.
I got a great chance as several warriors, Thror and Thrain managed to finally pin him and using the last point of might, I called a Heroic Strike. It went horribly and suddenly both heroes took 3 wounds from the Pale Orc, and I failed all 4 fate rolls between them! The rest of the game snowballed and I was thoroughly beaten.
Into the second game, where I faced the Return of the King legion in Contest of Champions. I threw Thrain at the King of the Dead to hold him back as Aragorn was behind the army, for fear of being double teamed. Imagine my surprise, when Thrain not only lost the fight, despite Heroic Striking higher, but also failed all three fate to save the only wound the King caused on 1s.
This then happened again as Thror also lost to the King and suffered a single wound, also rolling a 1 for his fate, and after Heroic Combatting the previous turn, and using a might to try and Heroic Move, suddenly also fell. Meaning that I had failed all 8 fate rolls that I had taken (1/256 chance).
5: Friendly (October) Men of the West Vs. CJ (Assault on Helm's Deep)
In preparation for the EAHC finale, I decided to give the LL a few practice games, to figure out how best to use it. I came up against CJ, who was running his army for the finale, complete with big, scary bomb.
There was two ballistae to contend with, so Aragorn led the Heroic March up towards one to get too close to shoot. As the bomb team ran towards the King of Gondor, I braced for impact.
To my horror, it expectedly detonated, but on the chart CJ rolled a 6! He then followed this up with a 6/5 on the wounds caused, meaning the Heir of Isildur now covered the entire battlefield! I don't think that I need to tell you that my army was decimated following this, although Gimli did brutally cut down the Uruk General.
4: Local league (September?) Azog's Legion Vs. George (Fangorn)
George and I were fighting hard in Capture and Control, as Bolg managed to kill Quickbeam before being torn apart by Treebeard or Beechbone. I had all the objectives under my control and had broken the Ents, so just needed the game to end...
Except it didn't...
Turn after turn, a 3+ was rolled, and my heroes were killed and my warriors fled. Until eventually, after the 10th roll had failed and the turn had passed, I was just left with a lone Gundabad Troll on its last wound against Treebeard and Beechbone. And then the game finally ended, which was just as well, or I may have had a breakdown! Luckily, I had maintained control of the objectives to claim the 11-0 win, despite how close it really was.
3: Strider Cup (October) Easterlings/Mordor (W/ CJ) Vs. (Sorry I have forgotten the names) (Mordor)
To give some context, at the Strider Cup, the cups themselves are awarded for the team that manages to achieve the most Strider points across the weekend for carrying out bizarre actions e.g. lying down with your Ringbearer in a place where they can be charged.
So, we were playing to achieve one in which we needed Amdur (our champion) to fight one on one with a monster, in this case a troll. Then to max out on the points, we needed Amdur to slay the troll. He had a single point of might left and had scored a single wound upon it thus far.
As I prepared to throw him in again, CJ suggested that he throws the Great Beast of Gorgoroth into it first and his logic was sound.
CJ: It's a 4/9 chance that I do a single wound on it, a 4/9 chance that I do nothing at all, but at least add extra attacks to win the fight.'
Me: But what if you kill it?
CJ: Well, what are the chances of that?
Me: Ok, fair enough
The Great Beast flattened that troll into the ground so fast...
Luckily, despite this, we managed to win the cups, but it was the only thing that stopped us achieving every Strider point going.
2: White Shores and Beyond (February) The Trolls Vs. Tom (Corsairs of Umbar)
At our first EAHC event since the start of Covid, I found myself facing off with the Three Trolls against the corsairs in the capable hands of Tom, who has won several events in the past. This seemed like a fairly clear cut game to me.
I opened up by throwing Bill into combat with some pirates and Tom the Troll into Dalamyr. Tom sneezed over Dalamyr and used his victory to shove the pirate leader into a sack, thus paralysing him. Excellent, I now had them in the palm of my hand, all that I had to do was get some kills with Bill and then ride the game to a victory.
I then realised the issue, I could not be quartered, and so would have to quarter them to end the game. Bill had managed to kill two pirates before fluffing a combat and being slain. Tom then quickly followed and Bert fled not long after.
I should point out that this meant that while I had the higher VP count, I had lost. And this is despite the fact that the enemy leader, who is relied upon to score most of the VPs, had spent the ENTIRE GAME paralysed in a sack...poor show, Bill, poor show.
1: Warhammer World Team Championships (September) Thranduil's Halls/Beornings Vs. Felix (Depths of Moria)
For the final entry, it was a big one. At the Team Championships in Warhammer World no less, when I have the hopes of another three players on my shoulders!
We followed the matchmaking system, and I chose to face off against the Depths of Moria LL in 'To the Death' as I felt that my army had the best chance against them.
The game opened with Grimbeorn firing his Great Bow and scoring a cheeky wound after using a might point. As the flaming demon of doom closed in, Grimbeorn went into bear form and charged, roaring into the beast. He had an elf join in with a glaive supporting him.
Then began a very fast and very unfortunate series of events. First, Felix got a goblin prowler to throw a dagger, which hit, went through the combat and killed the elf at the front. This removed both elves from the combat. Right, that's bad, but I'll roll with it. I called my Heroic Strike and went up to F10, the Balrog then set a bar of 4 highest. With a squeal of delight, I rolled my three dice, and got a 2 highest...
The Balrog then went to wound rolls, and I comforted myself that I have 3w and 3f, so it'll be ok. Only to suddenly be lumped with 4 wounds! I, numbly, picked up my dice and rolled all 3 fate, to get 1, 2, 3. My big scary bear, worth 1/4 of my army, had just been torn apart by an even bigger and scarier beastie! And it hadn't cost him any resources!
Thranduil then led a heroic attempt at trying to pull it back, but there was no coming back from that start and I was destroyed. I went on to win 3 games and draw the last, but that one stung.
In a similar situation, I played against John in the EAHC two months later, again with a Balrog. But this time, he whipped Thrydan, the leader of my Dunlendings, from behind cover and ate him in the opening combat. It pales in comparison to the prior case, but I hope it can help explain my 'irrational' fear of this demon of the ancient world!
I hope that you've enjoyed this chronicling of my woes and, if it's well received, then maybe I'll do the same at the end of 2023.
Have a Merry Christmas all!
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